He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
