When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
