There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
