I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
