I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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