I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
