I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
