i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
