Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
