Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
