even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
