I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
