did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
