I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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