There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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