Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
