Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
