strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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