and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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