38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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