After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
