A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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