Swine flu is the new snow day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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