He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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