It's like God shit irony all over that family
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
