My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
