he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
