this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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