I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
