My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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