I will die if light touches me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
