In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
