i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
