i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
