woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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