Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
