i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
