I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
