Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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