You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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