i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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