Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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