dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
