guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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