So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
