What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
