dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
