dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
