On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
