Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
