Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
