I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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